I have been all over the place lately with my emotions. I try not to use this blog as a place to complain, but I have met so many wonderful women who have been through what I am going through and sometimes it helps me to let my true self out.
This week has truly been a roller coaster and I am not even sure why. One day I am happy and content with my life and the next day, I am crying my heart out to God and asking, "Why, why Lord have I been chosen to walk this path in life?"
Just this morning I told my husband I wish God would let us look through a crystal ball. Wouldn't that be just wonderful. We could see our journey before we even start, but then I began to rethink this. If I could have seen down the road would I have turned and found a different path? Would I have learned to trust God even when it hurts so bad you can't hardly breathe? Would I have the faith I have now? Many times I just want to fast forward through this time in my life but then I remember I have never been so close and so intimate with God. I have learned through this that I can tell Him everything. I have yelled , cried, laughed, been quiet, rejoiced, and sought wisdom from my heavenly Father. I am so grateful that He has been beside me the whole time. The pain is still new at times but it is getting less and less.
I remind myself almost daily that "Those who plant tears will reap a Harvest of JOY!!!
5 comments:
Susan, many of us are on a similiar roller coaster...some more of a descent down the tracks and around the curves than others. I read a lot of posts here and at other sites...those are full of challenges, choices we have made to have Christ in our lives, these bring us the joy when we finally give the praise back to our Father "stay the course" love mom
I pray God continues to encourage you through His Spirit, His Word, and through others.
You know, somedays I wish for a crystal ball too. We seem to think that would make life easier, as you stated. But, then we wouldn't be trusting God as much as we needed...and that would just be sad. When I am going through something difficult I always (but it doesn't always happen) try to keep in mind that God knows my limit and will not give me more than my little self can handle. That seems to help in most cases. Anyway, hope that you are feeling more at peace and rest soon!
Well it looks like we need to meet this week. I have missed ya and I have wondered how you have been doing. I love ya and I am so glad that you are so real with your emotions now and not telling everyone that you are fine. I will see you on Wednesday and God will tell you when he feels you are ready. Take one step at a time.
Hi Susan~
Thank you for your sweet comment on my blog. You have a beautiful family!
I am so sorry for the loss of your baby. Even though it has been over a year since we lost our little Zane, I still miss him so much. It is one of the hardest things I've ever been through. Even though healing does come, I'll never be the same. Praying for peace and comfort for you.
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