Those who plant in tears will harvest SHOUTS OF JOY. They weep as they plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the HARVEST.

Psalm 126:5-6

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Getting Closer

Where has the time gone. I just looked at my ticker and my days are now in the 30's. I have had some emotional days lately and I am sure it is just because I am getting closer. I don't even know if I can explain how I have been feeling. Guilt is one word. Which I know guilt is not from the Lord so I am really working through this. I feel guilty that this little boy gets to be born and be a part of our family. I have those questions again and don't understand why Elias never made it.

Questions. I know these are all questions I will never have an answer for, and even when I get to Heaven it won't matter. So why do I worry and wonder about this, well because I am human and it still hurts. I wonder what it will be like to hold this little one in my arms. Will I have that same feeling as I have with all the other ones, or will I question why he is here and not Elias. I know this sounds crazy but this is how I feel. I am praying and asking God to see me through this, which I know he will. It has just been a little different this time.


Number One Elm Lane said...

All will be well dear Sister, all will be well. When you hold this new one, things will be easier - God will see to it, I'm certain.
By the way - I'm back over at my blog, with new posts.

Nana C said...

well, we will see you holding your new son soon, and then we can all spoil him!!!!!! He is already loved and beautiful....handsome young man....... thank you Lord love nana C

Jessica Hanson said...

I am struggling with the same feelings. I am so in Love with our new baby, but I feel guilty for loving him and feeling like he's a replacement for our Ireland Elizabeth. I am praying through this and know without a doubt in my mind that the Lord gave us him, and there is no guilt in him.
Praying for you and your upcoming blessing.