Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Tuesday afternoon I got a phone call from my midwife and she needed to re-schedule my appointment. No big deal I thought babies come and appointment get moved all the time. Well while we were talking she told me that someone wanted to give one of her clients a Christmas present and pay for their birth. I heard her say that but had no clue what she was going to say next. She went on to tell me that she had told them the moms she had who were due and that this person had chosen us and wanted to pay for our birth. A complete stranger doesn't know us just wants to bless us by paying for our birth. I couldn't even talk I just cried. As I was crying and trying to gain composure she went on to tell me that the rest of my transportation fees would also be taken care of. At this point I felt so overwhelmed that I couldn't even talk. I told my midwife thank you but I was crying so hard I'm not sure she could understand me. But I knew she understood, because she too is a woman of God, and we both knew this was God using another person to do His work.
Part of what is so neat about this story is just about two weeks ago my hubby's car really started acting up. We know we have an oil leak so until we can get a new car we are putting oil in it every other week to keep us going. I got a little nervous through all of this because I knew we still had to pay for the birth, which was going to come out of taxes. Well guess what God knew exactly what we needed before we even asked. As I write this I still can't believe how miraculous this blessing was. No one knew anything about hubby's car and no one knew what we needed but the Lord.
When I shared this with my mom the first thing she said," Was how can someone believe there is no God." There is a God, the one true God who loves and cares for His people. We are so blessed to have a saviour who came and took our place so we could spend eternity with our Heavenly Father. I pray this Holiday Season we all remember that this birth was the birth that brought us our salvation, and what a precious and priceless gift that is. If you don't know Jesus I pray you will have that burning desire to know Him and love Him just as I do. I have never regretted the decision to have Him as Lord of my life.
Merry CHRISTmas Everyone.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Thursday, December 9, 2010
I was just talking to my Pastor's wife and I was sharing with her that I still don't have that excited feeling yet, and that daddy hasn't even felt the baby move yet. can you say denial? I guess when I am holding my baby in my arms then it will be real. This has been a wonderful pregnancy physically and I am so thankful for that. God is so good after a storm he really blesses us with a beautiful rainbow and I feel like he has done that with this pregnancy.
So, onto other news. My oldest daughter turned 14 yesterday. I don't know where the time has gone. It is really weird because I always get emotional on her birthday. I was up in my room crying yesterday for no reason but I am sure it was because of her birthday. She had a wonderful day and got her special gift which was a camera. We sent her on a scavenger hunt to find it and the final stop was the oven. She was so excited. last night when I went to bed I am sure she had taken over a hundred pictures. Emily we are so blessed to have been given the gift to be your parents, you truly are a blessing and bring us Joy everyday.
Here is our Emily in all her glory. Her cake was decorated blue and she saved her frosting till last for this reason.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Friday, November 19, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Today we are back to doing school and life feels normal again. Right now the kitchen is clean, Bible time is over, kids are in their jammies, the house is settling down and becoming quiet and mommy feels great. I love this time of the evening when the kids are coloring, reading, or playing something quiet it brings true Joy to my heart. I also love the noisy times too but the quiet evenings are my favorite. I am looking forward to a great week, hope you all in blog land also have a great week.
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
The past few days have been really strange lately. I am feeling a little down emotionally for some reason. I can't really put my finger on what is triggering this but I am praying it goes aways soon. I feel like all I want to do is cry. I think part of it might be that a lot of women at church have had their babies and I feel like my day is never going to come. I am even having a hard time believing that everything is o.k. with this pregnancy. I have been told everything looks great but I just can't wrap my heart around this baby. I don't know why. I feel him kicking all the time but still have doubts about having a healthy baby. I know that sounds crazy but that is really how I feel.
It also doesn't help that I have been having these weird dreams at night. One dream was that my doctor had to cut me open like a c-section and drain some fluid while I was still pregnant. This dream was really weird because after he did this he told me I would have to have a c-section to have this baby. Then last night I had this dream that my sister was pregnant. She was waiting to have a c-section and she kept telling me that it hurt really bad. I told her to stay still and I would get a nurse. When we got the back the baby was crowning and within 1 push the baby was born but was not breathing. No one did anything. All the doctors just stood there and said, "They don't worry about it until it has been 5 minutes." Bizarre, how bizarre.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Today was a wonderful day. I went to a dear friend's house and held her new baby boy in my arms for hours. It felt so good. I haven't held a baby boy since I lost Elias. This was the first one and it was absolutely wonderful. He was so tiny and perfect and he just let me hold him and look at him.
Makes me very excited for my baby to arrive. I still have a long ways to go but each day is one day closer. My ticker is almost to day 100. Thank you Lord for this special day.
Monday, October 25, 2010
After we released all of the balloons. We had a great weekend and I will post more pictures of the weekend and tell you all about our little adventure with Levi. For now I just wanted to focus on remembering Elias. We miss you and can't wait to see you in Heaven someday.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Almost a year later and I have really had a change of heart about my children. They are all gifts and they are truly not mine. They are the Lord's and only on loan to me until he calls them home. During the time I have them I need to love them and teach them to love the Lord. I am still so very sad that I lost Elias but at times I am so very thankful because it has given me a different outlook on life. I understand how precious life is and to really cherish the time you are given with loved ones.
This weekend we will go to South Dakota to celebrate our little boys first year in Heaven. I actually look forward to this, there will be tears but I also know that I will see him someday and all my tears and pain will be no more.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Thank you all.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
October 31st 2007 I had my first miscarriage. This was heartbreaking for me as I was very naive about pregnancy. I always thought you found out you were pregnant and 9 months later you held your new little bundle. You see I had 6 children and had never experienced any complications, so that night when I woke up and found blood I truly became a different person. My eyes were opened to the pain that many women go through, a pain so great you wonder if you will survive. I survived and Sept,13th 2008 I gave birth to our first son. What a blessing he is.
October 21st 2009 was another one of those bring you to your knees moments. I was again pregnant but this time I was already in my second trimester and had heard the babies heartbeat, so of course everything would be fine. I was wrong, very wrong. I was making breakfast for the children when I felt something was not right. I went to the bathroom and sure enough there was blood. What would I do? Could I do this again? I am already showing how will I get through this. I knew I needed to call the doctor and get in immediately, so that is what I did. Once in that ultrasound room, no words were spoken we just waited. As soon as the screen went on I saw the baby but no movement. I knew our baby was gone. I cried and cried and truly felt like I was going to die. The next week was and still is a blur. We had our baby boy on Octber 23rd 2009 and buried him on Octber 28th 2009. All I could think was I will never get through this.
I have gotten through but it has not been easy. I know I will never be that same which I think is a good thing. I understand know how precious life is and to not take it for granted. I do have to admit that I am a little nervous about it being October. I am not superstitious but I am pregnant again and I just want to get through this month. I know the month has nothing to do with our previous losses it is just hard for me right now as I grieve the loss of Elias and carry this new life. As I type this post my little guy is letting me know he is o.k. he just started kicking me, I think I should go so I can feed me and the little one.
Have a great week and a blessed October.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
It seems like the last week and a half the children have really been struggling with getting chores done. They think as soon as school is finished it is time to play. So I have felt like all have done lately is correct and discipline. Attitudes have been very nasty towards each other and I have been feeling very defeated. I know that kids will be kids but the training and discipline has to continue or they will have a rough time when they grow up. Today seemed especially frustrating with three of the girls. The 10 year old, 8 year old, and 6 year old were not listening at all. I told them that they had to do school and then they would have extra chores the rest of the day. I have kept them very busy.
My 8 year old has a very, very free spirit. Does everything she can to stay out of work and thinks that life should only be about having fun. Lately I have been doing a Bible study with her and the 10 year old about Pride. we have been studying what God thinks about Pride and what he thinks about Humility. It has been very eye opening to both of them and I can see their little hearts wanting to do what is pleasing to God, but that Pride just takes over.
So today I had to run to the store real quick and pick up a few groceries. While I was gone I told the older two girls they had to do their chores and then they could go back to working on their school. The oldest had chores from yesterday and today to do. When I got home from the store 8 year old had the mop out and was getting ready to mop the shoe room. I was a little shocked to say the least. I told the oldest these were her chores and she needed to do them, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the 8 year old offered to help her. She told her sister she had learned in Bible study that if someone needs help you need to think of others and help them. I can't believe she actually heard what I have been teaching. The Holy Spirit grabbed onto that little heart of hers and she obeyed the prompting to be a servant to her sister. Thank you Lord for this treat of seeing the fruit in my child's life.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
I am learning everyday just how different boys and girls really are. Just yesterday we found Levi on top of our 15 passenger van. He was outside playing with his big sisters when one of them came running in to tell us that Levi was on top of the van. We know for sure the girls helped him somehow but I know the girls at 2 years old would never have done that because they would have been too scared. Then last night right before dinner we found him covered front to back in Mentholatum, and was just happy as a kid in a candy store. He couldn't figure out why we were so upset when mommy puts that on him at night before he goes to bed. He looked at us like this is what mommy does.
Wow I can only imagine the dynamics in our home in a couple of years. Never would have thought I would ever have a son and now another one on the way.
Monday, September 20, 2010
I'm sure you would like to know so I will tell you. The answer is in the title. We are all very excited at this new score.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Monday, September 13, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
So today is Friday and it is so tempting to tell the children we are taking the day off, but I am not going to do that. We are going tot preserver and get through the day. I am going to push the tired eyes open and give thanks for being blessed to have my children at home with me. We are going to finish our first week of school and look forward to next week.
Thank you Lord for blessing me with this opportunity to teach my children morning, noon, and night. Help me to keep my eyes focused on you and help me to remember to teach them to Love you.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Saturday, August 28, 2010
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Lately I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I will have a day where I will start to get a little excited and start dreaming about holding this little one, and then poof that fear creeps in. The Devil is really trying hard to steal my Joy and I am fighting just as hard to not let him win.
Then today I had my first appointment with my midwife and you won't believe what happened. We couldn't find the heartbeat. I know I am only 13 weeks but I have heard my other babies by now so I tried to stay as calm as possible. I felt exactly I did that day in October last year. I just kept telling myself I know everything is o.k. Well I called the doctor who I have been seeing and as soon as I told the receptionist that we couldn't find the heartbeat she told me to come in immediately. Which of course I did. I was fine on the drive over to the doctors, fine in the waiting room, but as soon as I walked into the ultrasound room I lost it. Then my doctor came in and said, "o.k. let's see what's going on." I looked at him and just started crying and told him I didn't think I wanted to know. He was so kind and understanding, standing in front of the screen so I couldn't see, because I was a wreck at this point. Within a few seconds he had moved and there was our little baby and I could see their feet moving around. It was such a great feeling. He assured me this is common to not find the heartbeat with the Doppler this early. Well for me it isn't common and the only time we have never heard a heartbeat was with Elias. So to say the least I was a little excited to see our little bean jumping all around.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
Friday, August 13, 2010
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Friday, August 6, 2010
As I was lying on the couch trying to feel like a normal person, my husband slipped me a little card. It was beautiful. He told me he knew it had been a long year and that our tragedy was something no one should ever have to go through. I just cried and cried thinking we have come so far. He told me he loved me and always would.I thought to myself he stood by me when I was a total wreck, he loved me when I didn't want to be loved, he let me throw a fit when I needed to, he stood up to his vows he loved me when I was sick. Not physically sick but emotionally sick. How many men do that? He knew I was going to have to get through this in my time and he was patient, much more patient than I would have ever been. He was my rock and I was the raging storm, but he never moved. Yes there were some really bad days where I thought we are not going to make it, but he remained steadfast even as I tried to push him further and further away. Marc thank you for loving me during this journey of life. I know it wasn't easy.
Now we will walk through this next journey together a little more confident. I know as a couple we will get through it I just hope I don't lose my mind. We are expecting a baby the end of February. I feel like things are going to be fine but there are many times when I am not. I would be kidding myself if I said, I was not terrified. Lately all I can think about is what we went through last time. I am now about 10 and a half weeks along and I have been fine but I keep thinking the further I get the harder it will be if I lose this baby. How do you not think those thoughts? We are human. I feel like I can't even get excited yet because something might happen. Then I think to myself I am not in control so why worry about this. It has been a lot harder than I ever thought it would be. I dreamed of getting pregnant and being able to tell everyone, now I just want to hide and keep it a secret. I think if it is secret nothing will happen. I know, sounds crazy, but the things that go through your head after a loss sometimes make no sense.
My point is I have decided to break out of my shell and start sharing the news. Please pray with our family as we walk this road of anxiously awaiting the arrival of a healthy baby.The Lord knows I need a lot of prayers right now. I am specifically asking for prayers for mommy to become a little more excited about this new life. I keep very quiet about it and try to change the subject when daddy and kids talk about the baby. I want to feel that excitement just like they do. Thanks to all of you out there who read this and have prayed for us before. You have blessed us more than you will know.
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Yesterday was a very full day for us and I was a little concerned as to whether or not I would get everything done. A lady from our church had brought a lady in to speak about home remedies and I really wanted to go. She was going to talk a lot about using herbs and making your own tinctures. This seminar started at 9:00 and Ia was taking all of the children, because the church was also having a 5-day club. Perfect timing the kids could have fun and so could mom. I knew I would have to plan ahead so everything would be taken care of. Monday night my oldest daughter made dinner ahead of time for the next night. She made the lunch and got it ready to go so we wouldn't have to eat out.
Then yesterday I woke up to a wonderful surprise. The kids let me sleep until 7:00. They had gotten the little ones up, dressed them, and fixed their hair. As I was getting ready they made sure everyone got fed even mommy. Then it was time to go and I had forgotten to check to make sure we had everything. I shouldn't have been surprised. They took care of packing all the food, water, diapers, and extra food. I was amazed and proud of how my daughters took charge and got a family ready to be away from home for a whole day. Plus we had a great dinner ready fro us when we got home. Thanks girl for all you do, you both will be great wives's and mommy's some day.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
Last night daddy was sitting on the couch and we were all just kind of talking about the day, and what we should do this weekend, just hanging out with dad. As we were sitting there our four year old gets out the ruler and takes it over to measure her daddy's hair (he has no hair). She then proceeds to climb up into his lap and this is what she says, "Daddy your hair is zero inches, so you have no hair." It was priceless. She was so serious but it was so funny. Love the things little kids say.
Monday, July 19, 2010
Not this summer. So far we have gone once and on that day we stayed for only an hour. We had to leave early because my oldest had pulled something in her back and she could hardly walk.
The next week we were going to make up for it but that didn't happen.
Then this last week we thought for sure we would get some pool time in. Nope everyone got the flu. I mean everyone , even mommy and daddy.
So today is Monday and I thought hey we can go to the pool. That would be a great afternoon treat. Well guess what? We are not going to the pool. Levi decided to grab the hot skillet that his sister was holding and has second degree burns on all four fingers. The blisters cover the whole length of the fingers and part of his thumb. So I guess we won't be going this week either.
Praying next week we can get to the pool and enjoy some time relaxing, before summer slips away.
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
The benefits of having many children when getting ready for a two week trip to California.
It is 3:00p.m. the day before we head out on vacation. The van is loaded, the food is cooked and packed, the kids shoes are waiting by the door to slip on, the laundry is folded and put away, and the house is clean and ready for our return. This is not a joke.
I am blessed beyond measure with children who love(Well maybe like) to help. This is our first long trip in two years and I can't believe how well we did getting ready for this venture. I think I am getting the hang of having a large family. O.k. Lord I think I can handle a few more.
Well we are off for a much needed break. It has been a long hard year for our family and we are looking forward to some good quality family time. Have a great two weeks and I will be back with lots of pictures.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Well it is my last weigh in before vacation. I was a little concerned because I feel like I haven't been doing very well with keeping track of what I am eating. So here are the results.
Last week 135.8
This week 134.6
I lost 1.2 pounds. My goal was to be 130 when we went to California but I didn't make it. I am o.k. with the loss that I have made because I can see that this has become a lifestyle and not a diet. I have not been under 135 since I got pregnant with my 4th child who is going to be 8 in July.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
My weight is coming off slower and slower. I didn't even weigh in last week because I was really bad. I was better this week but not real strict. I did begin exercising again.
I weighed in this morning and saw a loss. Not a very big loss but a loss is a loss.
Two weeks ago 136.8
Well a pound is a pound. I just got my 10 pound star from weight watchers. 5.8 pounds to got to hit my goal weight.
Slow and steady wins the race. I have now officially been doing WW for 10 weeks and have lost 10 pounds.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
After losing Elias I have found many people linking to her blog so I decided to get caught up and read her story of Audrey Caroline who she decided to carry even with an outcome that was not promising. What a brave and courageous woman.
Yesterday I was reading her book and I read something that literally took my breath away. It was a prayer and I would like to share it with you.
This is what she wrote on page 153 of her book the page I will have marked for a long, long time.
Lord Jesus, I am asking for Your presence to fill the room of the person holding this book. I ask that You remind him or her that Your power is made perfect in weakness and that the battle raging against us is no match for You. In Your powerful name, I command Satan to leave this home.Leave this marriage alone. Stop whispering lies about the circumstances of death and the belief that we could have done anything differently. Silence the lies the enemy has thrown to us. You have no right here, Satan, and we rebuke you in the name of the Savior. Jesus, bind his hands so that he will no longer wreak havoc in the lives of these precious parents. We bring them to you and lay them on Your altar, eagerly awaiting the day when You will redeem what we have lost. Amen.
This prayer spoke volume to me. I immediately put my hand over my mouth and sobbed like a baby. This is exactly how I have been feeling. I know in my heart this is an attack from the devil but I don't think I was strong enough to even acknowledge it. He has come into our house many times through these last 7 months and has created lots and lots of havoc in every area. I felt like the blinders were removed yesterday. I will be saying this prayer fervently as to keep the enemy away.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
So here are my results.
Last week 137.4
This week 136.6
Loss .8 lbs.
I can't believe I lost. 9.2 total. My goal was to lose 15.8 lbs. I am over half way there. I think I might actually achieve this goal.
Friday, May 14, 2010
This week has truly been a roller coaster and I am not even sure why. One day I am happy and content with my life and the next day, I am crying my heart out to God and asking, "Why, why Lord have I been chosen to walk this path in life?"
Just this morning I told my husband I wish God would let us look through a crystal ball. Wouldn't that be just wonderful. We could see our journey before we even start, but then I began to rethink this. If I could have seen down the road would I have turned and found a different path? Would I have learned to trust God even when it hurts so bad you can't hardly breathe? Would I have the faith I have now? Many times I just want to fast forward through this time in my life but then I remember I have never been so close and so intimate with God. I have learned through this that I can tell Him everything. I have yelled , cried, laughed, been quiet, rejoiced, and sought wisdom from my heavenly Father. I am so grateful that He has been beside me the whole time. The pain is still new at times but it is getting less and less.
I remind myself almost daily that "Those who plant tears will reap a Harvest of JOY!!!
Thursday, May 13, 2010
This is our cute little Kharis. As of right now she is the baby of the girls. She is full of life, and oh so sweet.
The other night while we were doing family devotions she decided to tell us that obeying your mom and dad was one of the ten commandments. We told her, "Yes, that is correct do you know any more of the Ten Commandments?" After a very long pause and a very quiet voice she said,"When your riding in the car sit still."
Every one started laughing and we couldn't stop. The children listen to a song that talks about obeying your mom and dad. One of the verses talks about when your riding in the car you need to sit still. So I guess she figured since the song talked about obeying mom and dad(which is one of the commandments) everything else in the song was a commandment also. So I guess we need to work on teaching her the Lord's Ten Commandments.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I forgot to post my weigh in yesterday so I will post today.
Not very good but I will still share.
Last week 137.4
This week 137.4
I stayed the same exact weight.
Like my daughter Emily said," Well mom that's better than gaining weight." So I will take that encouragement and keep on.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Last week 138.8
This week 137.4
Total loss 1.4 lbs this week. Next week I hope to do the same or better. Would love to be 130 by the time we go on vacation the middle of June.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Wow every where I turn I learn of another mommy who is going to be blessed with a new little one to love. The first few months after we lost Elias I would hear of women being pregnant and it would make me just want to crawl into a hole and die. Now it gives me that little bit of excitement as I remember all of my pregnancies. The first time you see the pink line and really can't believe you have a little one growing inside of you. The first time you hear the heartbeat, the first time you feel the little flutters, then the kicks. The first time you feel that contraction that lets you now you are truly in labor. All those firsts with each pregnancy are so exciting. And then that first time you lay eyes on your beautiful child, something you will never forget.
So even though I am not pregnant I will remember all of my firsts just like all these mommies are doing with their pregnancies. And just someday I will be having all those firsts with a new little bundle of my own.
But for now I will enjoy the memories and make new ones with my 7 miracles that the Lord has blessed us with here on earth.
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Last week 137.8
This week 138.8
OOPS! I put on a pound. I will work harder this week and I hope to be back down next week.
Monday, April 26, 2010
The older children are at piano with Dad. The three younger ones are upstairs taking naps because they don't feel well. So the house is nice and quiet. Now I sit here and wonder what should I do. Nothing I think I will spend some time talking with the Lord.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
About a week ago I asked everyone to pray about a job promotion for hubby. We had both said we Love you Lord either way promotion or no promotion. At this same time we were praying that maybe this would be the month that I would find out I was expecting again. So again we prayed and said we Love you Lord baby or no baby.
So at the end of the week we found out that there would be no promotion and also no baby this month. We went out to dinner and talked and laughed and both said "We love you Lord!" I am learning through this process of trusting God that it sure is easy to trust Him when everything goes our way, but do we still trust Him when things go His way. Yes we do but sometimes there is a little heartache, and He knows how we feel. I am just thankful that the God I serve is a big God who loves me and does know what is best for us. Through this past week of No's He did surprise us with a huge blessing.
Someone decided to bless us by paying off the rest of our hospital bill. Praise the Lord he takes care of everything. Thankful that the Lord doesn't always give us everything we ask for. I have grown closer to God these past 6 months than I think in my whole life.
Thanks Lord for holding me up and being my Father , I couldn't have done this without you.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Happy birthday Reaghan. Have a very blessed 10th year. I love you Mommy.