Monday, January 25, 2010
Bitterness. A word that came to me the other day as I was doing the morning dishes. I knew why that word kept ringing in my head and wouldn't leave me alone. It's because I am struggling with bitterness. At that moment i just cried out to God and told him I was bitter and I hated the way I felt. I was bitter with God and didn't realize it. Ever since losing Elias I feel like I will never have that experience of enjoying a future pregnancy and that was just part of why I was bitter. I was also bitter because I should be getting to the end of my pregnancy and getting prepared to welcome a new baby into our home. As I stood in my kitchen I realized I could live my life this way and sit in this bitterness. This is not what I want for me or my family. I feel like the last three months have been a blur and I can no longer let this get the best of me. I know I will be sad at times but I have chosen to rid myself of this bitterness and see life through Christ's eyes and not mine. I am sure this will be a battle for me everyday, but through Christ nothing is impossible.