Prayer

I feel like yesterday was a huge milestone for me and my mom. Since I lost the baby in October I have been very careful what to say and what not to say to my mom. I have kept my guard up just because I didn't want her to worry about me. I haven't shared with her how badly i want another child because I know she is worried and scared for us. We as parents never want to see our children hurt even when they are grown. Well yesterday her and I were talking and I felt like it was the right time for me to do some sharing with her. I told her that Marc and I were ready and we felt like the children were also ready. So I told her that we had begun praying for a healthy pregnancy to go full term with a healthy child. I know she prays alot and I mean alot, so I asked her to put us on her list. I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to some but it was a turning point in my relationship with my mom. I felt like i could share my dreams with her again and i haven't felt that for awhile. So when we hung up the phone she said, "I love you and I will pray for you tonight." I love it because I know this will be bathed in prayer not only by us but also by my mom. Thanks mom for keeping the door open.

A Wonderful Book

I picked up this book that I was going to read while on vacation in a couple of weeks, but I kind of started reading it. Well I didn't start I started and finished it in less than a week. It is one of those books that you can't put down. The book is"I will carry You," written by Angie Smith. It is fabulous and a great read for everyone. Angie found out when she was 18 weeks along that her baby had many health issues that would cause her to die in the womb or shortly after being born. I am sure many of you had followed her story. I had heard about her but I was pregnant and wanted to stay as far away from stories like this. I guess I thought if I got to close it might happen to my baby. How naive we are.

After losing Elias I have found many people linking to her blog so I decided to get caught up and read her story of Audrey Caroline who she decided to carry even with an outcome that was not promising. What a brave and courageous woman.

Yesterday I was reading her book and I read something that literally took my breath away. It was a prayer and I would like to share it with you.
This is what she wrote on page 153 of her book the page I will have marked for a long, long time.

Lord Jesus, I am asking for Your presence to fill the room of the person holding this book. I ask that You remind him or her that Your power is made perfect in weakness and that the battle raging against us is no match for You. In Your powerful name, I command Satan to leave this home.Leave this marriage alone. Stop whispering lies about the circumstances of death and the belief that we could have done anything differently. Silence the lies the enemy has thrown to us. You have no right here, Satan, and we rebuke you in the name of the Savior. Jesus, bind his hands so that he will no longer wreak havoc in the lives of these precious parents. We bring them to you and lay them on Your altar, eagerly awaiting the day when You will redeem what we have lost. Amen.

This prayer spoke volume to me. I immediately put my hand over my mouth and sobbed like a baby. This is exactly how I have been feeling. I know in my heart this is an attack from the devil but I don't think I was strong enough to even acknowledge it. He has come into our house many times through these last 7 months and has created lots and lots of havoc in every area. I felt like the blinders were removed yesterday. I will be saying this prayer fervently as to keep the enemy away.

First Date

My Little Reaghan turned 10 last month and went on her first date. You probably are thinking to yourself isn't she a little young. She is a little young but when the man taking her out is her Father I think she will be well taken care of. Daddy started this tradition with our oldest daughter. The girls look forward to this day with great anticipation. Here Daddy and Reaghan are getting ready to go out for the night. He took her to a movie, the zoo and then out to dinner. Pretty special first date if you ask me. I still can't believe she is 10!

The Little King

This is what happens when you are the only boy who lives in a house with 6 big sisters. You get your way. The face is proof. He knows he has us all wrapped around his little finger. He decided one morning while the girls were picking up their room that he wanted to listen to big sissy Emily's I-Pod. As you can see here, there was no objection. Just wait Levi until you hit the real world some day. You will not always be the center of attention. For now, we will allow this because it is oh so fun, to spoil our one and only little man.

Weigh In Day

I wasn't going to weigh in today. I feel really good and my clothes are fitting nice again and overall I am content with my weight loss. I didn't want to get to the point where this was a diet and not a lifestyle change. So this past week I didn't log into weight watchers once and I just did what I have been doing these past 2 months. Hubby and I went out to dinner and splurged. We shared an appetizer of hot wings, and for dinner split a sandwich and salad. After dinner I splurged and had two pieces of chocolate covered honeycomb. Yummy. This weekend we had a graduation and I chose to skip desert since I had splurged the night before. It's all about choices and it isn't that bad to say no more than yes. It is now my weigh in day and this week has been one of my best weeks, I didn't feel like I was missing out on anything and I am going to continue on with this just at a more relaxed pace.
So here are my results.
Last week 137.4
This week 136.6
Loss .8 lbs.
I can't believe I lost. 9.2 total. My goal was to lose 15.8 lbs. I am over half way there. I think I might actually achieve this goal.

Ups and Downs

I have been all over the place lately with my emotions. I try not to use this blog as a place to complain, but I have met so many wonderful women who have been through what I am going through and sometimes it helps me to let my true self out.
This week has truly been a roller coaster and I am not even sure why. One day I am happy and content with my life and the next day, I am crying my heart out to God and asking, "Why, why Lord have I been chosen to walk this path in life?"
Just this morning I told my husband I wish God would let us look through a crystal ball. Wouldn't that be just wonderful. We could see our journey before we even start, but then I began to rethink this. If I could have seen down the road would I have turned and found a different path? Would I have learned to trust God even when it hurts so bad you can't hardly breathe? Would I have the faith I have now? Many times I just want to fast forward through this time in my life but then I remember I have never been so close and so intimate with God. I have learned through this that I can tell Him everything. I have yelled , cried, laughed, been quiet, rejoiced, and sought wisdom from my heavenly Father. I am so grateful that He has been beside me the whole time. The pain is still new at times but it is getting less and less.
I remind myself almost daily that "Those who plant tears will reap a Harvest of JOY!!!

The Ten Commandments

This is our cute little Kharis. As of right now she is the baby of the girls. She is full of life, and oh so sweet.
The other night while we were doing family devotions she decided to tell us that obeying your mom and dad was one of the ten commandments. We told her, "Yes, that is correct do you know any more of the Ten Commandments?" After a very long pause and a very quiet voice she said,"When your riding in the car sit still."
Every one started laughing and we couldn't stop. The children listen to a song that talks about obeying your mom and dad. One of the verses talks about when your riding in the car you need to sit still. So I guess she figured since the song talked about obeying mom and dad(which is one of the commandments) everything else in the song was a commandment also. So I guess we need to work on teaching her the Lord's Ten Commandments.

Weigh In

I forgot to post my weigh in yesterday so I will post today.

Not very good but I will still share.

Last week 137.4

This week 137.4

I stayed the same exact weight.

Like my daughter Emily said," Well mom that's better than gaining weight." So I will take that encouragement and keep on.

Wordless Wednseday

Weigh In day

It's Tuesday, which means weigh in day. Not sure if I really like Tuesdays anymore. These last 7 lbs seems to be coming off extremely slow.
Last week 138.8
This week 137.4
Total loss 1.4 lbs this week. Next week I hope to do the same or better. Would love to be 130 by the time we go on vacation the middle of June.

Firsts

Wow every where I turn I learn of another mommy who is going to be blessed with a new little one to love. The first few months after we lost Elias I would hear of women being pregnant and it would make me just want to crawl into a hole and die. Now it gives me that little bit of excitement as I remember all of my pregnancies. The first time you see the pink line and really can't believe you have a little one growing inside of you. The first time you hear the heartbeat, the first time you feel the little flutters, then the kicks. The first time you feel that contraction that lets you now you are truly in labor. All those firsts with each pregnancy are so exciting. And then that first time you lay eyes on your beautiful child, something you will never forget.

So even though I am not pregnant I will remember all of my firsts just like all these mommies are doing with their pregnancies. And just someday I will be having all those firsts with a new little bundle of my own.

But for now I will enjoy the memories and make new ones with my 7 miracles that the Lord has blessed us with here on earth.