I can't believe it is October already, where has the year gone. I have always loved this time of year as the days get shorter, the nights get colder, and all the beautiful colors as the leaves begin to change. I am trying to remember this, because October seems to also hold a place in my heart that often makes me very sad.
October 31st 2007 I had my first miscarriage. This was heartbreaking for me as I was very naive about pregnancy. I always thought you found out you were pregnant and 9 months later you held your new little bundle. You see I had 6 children and had never experienced any complications, so that night when I woke up and found blood I truly became a different person. My eyes were opened to the pain that many women go through, a pain so great you wonder if you will survive. I survived and Sept,13th 2008 I gave birth to our first son. What a blessing he is.
October 21st 2009 was another one of those bring you to your knees moments. I was again pregnant but this time I was already in my second trimester and had heard the babies heartbeat, so of course everything would be fine. I was wrong, very wrong. I was making breakfast for the children when I felt something was not right. I went to the bathroom and sure enough there was blood. What would I do? Could I do this again? I am already showing how will I get through this. I knew I needed to call the doctor and get in immediately, so that is what I did. Once in that ultrasound room, no words were spoken we just waited. As soon as the screen went on I saw the baby but no movement. I knew our baby was gone. I cried and cried and truly felt like I was going to die. The next week was and still is a blur. We had our baby boy on Octber 23rd 2009 and buried him on Octber 28th 2009. All I could think was I will never get through this.
I have gotten through but it has not been easy. I know I will never be that same which I think is a good thing. I understand know how precious life is and to not take it for granted. I do have to admit that I am a little nervous about it being October. I am not superstitious but I am pregnant again and I just want to get through this month. I know the month has nothing to do with our previous losses it is just hard for me right now as I grieve the loss of Elias and carry this new life. As I type this post my little guy is letting me know he is o.k. he just started kicking me, I think I should go so I can feed me and the little one.
Have a great week and a blessed October.