Baby Elias

We spent the weekend in Souht Dakota to celebrate Elias' 1st Heavenly Birthday. Two of the girls made crosses for him so they wanted to put them on the headstone. A picture of all the children. It was a little cloudy and cold but not unbearable.

Mommy and Daddy with baby Elias.

Getting ready to release the balloons. This was the kids favorite part. They were so excited running all over with their ballon. Mommy got a little upset about this and daddy had to remind me that we were here to celebrate. Of course daddy was right.
After we released all of the balloons. We had a great weekend and I will post more pictures of the weekend and tell you all about our little adventure with Levi. For now I just wanted to focus on remembering Elias. We miss you and can't wait to see you in Heaven someday.

It's Been Almost A Year

I don't know where this past year has gone. On October 23rd it will have been a year since I gave birth to our little Elias who had already gone home to be with Jesus. The first 6 months after the loss are a total blur to me. I missed out on so much because I was struggling with the loss. I know we all grieve differently but I just couldn't get out of that miry pit. Until the day my 13 year old daughter said, " She didn't even think I cared about anything but losing the baby and having another one." Boy did that hurt. She was right, I had made everyone else in the house feel like they meant nothing to me. It was a wake up call to be thankful for all I had and that I was a very blessed momma.
Almost a year later and I have really had a change of heart about my children. They are all gifts and they are truly not mine. They are the Lord's and only on loan to me until he calls them home. During the time I have them I need to love them and teach them to love the Lord. I am still so very sad that I lost Elias but at times I am so very thankful because it has given me a different outlook on life. I understand how precious life is and to really cherish the time you are given with loved ones.
This weekend we will go to South Dakota to celebrate our little boys first year in Heaven. I actually look forward to this, there will be tears but I also know that I will see him someday and all my tears and pain will be no more.

Prayers Needed

I am writing this post because I know a lot of you out there are prayer warriors. Our house has experienced a major sickness this fall. It began the end of August with our 4 year old and has affected almost everyone. I thought I would get away without getting this but I began showing symptoms 3 weeks ago. I am exhausted and am in bed many days. Baby is fine but this particular sickness can sometimes take 3-4 months to get rid of. Right now we are all working on building our immune system back up. I need to get rid of this so I can rest for baby. My midwife says it should be gone before baby comes but I will still be pretty wiped out she thinks physically. Prayer is needed for quick recovery and that I would be able to get the proper nutrition while I am sick. I am struggling with not wanting to eat I just am not hungry.
Thank you all.

Half Way

I can't believe I am to the halfway point in this pregnancy. I remember when I first found out I was pregnant I couldn't wait until the day I could say I was 20 weeks. Well I can say that now. I was at the doctors to day and he said ,"You're 20 weeks and 2 days." That was wonderful to hear. Now my next goal is third trimester.

October

I can't believe it is October already, where has the year gone. I have always loved this time of year as the days get shorter, the nights get colder, and all the beautiful colors as the leaves begin to change. I am trying to remember this, because October seems to also hold a place in my heart that often makes me very sad.
October 31st 2007 I had my first miscarriage. This was heartbreaking for me as I was very naive about pregnancy. I always thought you found out you were pregnant and 9 months later you held your new little bundle. You see I had 6 children and had never experienced any complications, so that night when I woke up and found blood I truly became a different person. My eyes were opened to the pain that many women go through, a pain so great you wonder if you will survive. I survived and Sept,13th 2008 I gave birth to our first son. What a blessing he is.
October 21st 2009 was another one of those bring you to your knees moments. I was again pregnant but this time I was already in my second trimester and had heard the babies heartbeat, so of course everything would be fine. I was wrong, very wrong. I was making breakfast for the children when I felt something was not right. I went to the bathroom and sure enough there was blood. What would I do? Could I do this again? I am already showing how will I get through this. I knew I needed to call the doctor and get in immediately, so that is what I did. Once in that ultrasound room, no words were spoken we just waited. As soon as the screen went on I saw the baby but no movement. I knew our baby was gone. I cried and cried and truly felt like I was going to die. The next week was and still is a blur. We had our baby boy on Octber 23rd 2009 and buried him on Octber 28th 2009. All I could think was I will never get through this.
I have gotten through but it has not been easy. I know I will never be that same which I think is a good thing. I understand know how precious life is and to not take it for granted. I do have to admit that I am a little nervous about it being October. I am not superstitious but I am pregnant again and I just want to get through this month. I know the month has nothing to do with our previous losses it is just hard for me right now as I grieve the loss of Elias and carry this new life. As I type this post my little guy is letting me know he is o.k. he just started kicking me, I think I should go so I can feed me and the little one.
Have a great week and a blessed October.

A Child's Heart

It seems like the last week and a half the children have really been struggling with getting chores done. They think as soon as school is finished it is time to play. So I have felt like all have done lately is correct and discipline. Attitudes have been very nasty towards each other and I have been feeling very defeated. I know that kids will be kids but the training and discipline has to continue or they will have a rough time when they grow up. Today seemed especially frustrating with three of the girls. The 10 year old, 8 year old, and 6 year old were not listening at all. I told them that they had to do school and then they would have extra chores the rest of the day. I have kept them very busy.

My 8 year old has a very, very free spirit. Does everything she can to stay out of work and thinks that life should only be about having fun. Lately I have been doing a Bible study with her and the 10 year old about Pride. we have been studying what God thinks about Pride and what he thinks about Humility. It has been very eye opening to both of them and I can see their little hearts wanting to do what is pleasing to God, but that Pride just takes over.

So today I had to run to the store real quick and pick up a few groceries. While I was gone I told the older two girls they had to do their chores and then they could go back to working on their school. The oldest had chores from yesterday and today to do. When I got home from the store 8 year old had the mop out and was getting ready to mop the shoe room. I was a little shocked to say the least. I told the oldest these were her chores and she needed to do them, but I was pleasantly surprised to hear that the 8 year old offered to help her. She told her sister she had learned in Bible study that if someone needs help you need to think of others and help them. I can't believe she actually heard what I have been teaching. The Holy Spirit grabbed onto that little heart of hers and she obeyed the prompting to be a servant to her sister. Thank you Lord for this treat of seeing the fruit in my child's life.

Boys

Having a little boy in the house has really changed the dynamics in our home. I really didn't know what it would be like raising a boy with 6 big sisters. I wondered at times if he would be a little feminine or just different. Well I was wrong about that. Levi is 150% boy. He is non stop, loves to be dirty, pretends he is a soldier, likes to play guns, LOVES to be dirty, loves to climb and wrestle, and is always making noises. My husband tells me quiet frequently that Levi is more of a boy than he ever was. I am learning that even when we can't see things through our eyes the Lord always knows best. I really was concerned for a little boy in a houseful of girls but the Lord has taken care of all the details.

I am learning everyday just how different boys and girls really are. Just yesterday we found Levi on top of our 15 passenger van. He was outside playing with his big sisters when one of them came running in to tell us that Levi was on top of the van. We know for sure the girls helped him somehow but I know the girls at 2 years old would never have done that because they would have been too scared. Then last night right before dinner we found him covered front to back in Mentholatum, and was just happy as a kid in a candy store. He couldn't figure out why we were so upset when mommy puts that on him at night before he goes to bed. He looked at us like this is what mommy does.

Wow I can only imagine the dynamics in our home in a couple of years. Never would have thought I would ever have a son and now another one on the way.