Those who plant in tears will harvest SHOUTS OF JOY. They weep as they plant their seed, but they sing as they return with the HARVEST.

Psalm 126:5-6

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

An Up and Down Day

Lately I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I will have a day where I will start to get a little excited and start dreaming about holding this little one, and then poof that fear creeps in. The Devil is really trying hard to steal my Joy and I am fighting just as hard to not let him win.

Then today I had my first appointment with my midwife and you won't believe what happened. We couldn't find the heartbeat. I know I am only 13 weeks but I have heard my other babies by now so I tried to stay as calm as possible. I felt exactly I did that day in October last year. I just kept telling myself I know everything is o.k. Well I called the doctor who I have been seeing and as soon as I told the receptionist that we couldn't find the heartbeat she told me to come in immediately. Which of course I did. I was fine on the drive over to the doctors, fine in the waiting room, but as soon as I walked into the ultrasound room I lost it. Then my doctor came in and said, "o.k. let's see what's going on." I looked at him and just started crying and told him I didn't think I wanted to know. He was so kind and understanding, standing in front of the screen so I couldn't see, because I was a wreck at this point. Within a few seconds he had moved and there was our little baby and I could see their feet moving around. It was such a great feeling. He assured me this is common to not find the heartbeat with the Doppler this early. Well for me it isn't common and the only time we have never heard a heartbeat was with Elias. So to say the least I was a little excited to see our little bean jumping all around.


Alisha A. said...

You had ME worried there for a sec! I'm so gald that everything is going GREAT for y'all :)

Tell everyone I miss & miss y'all!

Leanne said...

Susan, I hate to say it, but I know that feeling. I know that feeling! It's really hard right now, at this stage, when you can't feel movement yet, to just think everything is going okay, isn't it???

Thanks for the comment on my recent post!

I have a great doctor and I've been with him for over 16 years. That's why it's hard for me to switch to a midwife! He's been with us through all of it, through our stillborn experience and each one of my babies going to Heaven. We adore him!

I'm glad you have a midwife and a doctor that you like!

Anonymous said...

Oh Praise God that baby is okay! How frightening that must have been for you. I'm so glad you got to hear the baby's heartbeat and see him/her jumping around on the ultrasound.

Sally, Greg, Hannah and Jacob said...

Whew! Glad to hear that you were able to be reassured of your baby's safety! I always hold my breath as well when I go in for that first appointment to hear the baby's heartbeat...sometimes it takes FOREVER to hear it.

Have a good day!!!

Josiah and Abi Wissmann said...

Oh! So glad all is well! :) The Lord particularily brought you to mind earlier this week, and now I know why! Praise His name! Hugs to you!!

Karen said...

I dislike that you had to go through heart just dropped. But I am so glad that everything is okay!